you really always have to learn things yourself. someone can tell you something a million times but you’ll never believe it until you see it for yourself. i know because i have already went through this. thought i found the perfect guy and we were going to be together forever. haha NOT. what i really was, was blind by love. i was so in love i could see something with my own eyes and i still would not believe it!! it was the comfort of being with someone for so long you could not possibly live without them. you can you really can. Dont be that person that looks stupid just being with someone else. Dont be stupid and make sure you know your worth. But im so glad, so glad that he broke up with me because now my eyes are wide open. i have times where i feel so stupid because of what i went through and i ask myself why i ever did some of the things i did. but im glad that it is all over with and i am definitely not going back. i love my life now. my relationship with my parents is getting so much better( for now ) i have the most perfect boyfriend im about to go to college in the fall :) funny how things flip upside down in such a short amount of time. :)


can parents just accept the fact that school is harder now than it used to be back then ??????

its like I’m reading the same book over and over again and its never ending. UGH . i should’ve knew it. oh well, I’ve had my walls up since the beginning and they’re not going to be coming down anytime soon. if you don’t care, then I don’t. i don’t understand why it has to be me to hit you up first basically ALL the time !!!! that shit gets me so mad. like tf . you can chill, talk to, or text anyone else but ME. HATE THAT SHIT. WHATEVER ! too mad …

well here i am to vent, my life has been going pretty good so far. i mean i do get in fights with my mom here and there. we don’t always get along but i could never stop talking to her. on the other hand i haven’t spoken to my “  dad “  in like 4 months .. its whatever i don’t even care. its not like i miss him or anything, cause i don’t. but enough of that. i just freaking love my boyfriend so much ! like hes one of the only couple of things that make me happy, i’m so glad hes in my life and hes staying ( : … but man. my life is tough. i swear if it wasn’t for him i don’t think i would be here right now. only i know how tough my life is cause no one knows the real story behind anything. it’s so much more complicated than it seems. i have broken down so many times, ran away, and just left cause of this. i hope i can just face it till i go away for college. if not, my life, and everyone elses will be so much different…

i don’t know if i can handle all of this again. i worked so hard to bring my wall back up and its planted firm. you come back along and i feel like bringing it back down. but for what? to be more vulnerable and to easily get hurt again? i don’t think so. my wall is up and it’s not going anywhere. i mean i put my all into this relationship and so does he, it’s just the little things..the little things that piss me off. they’re not even little things, they’re big things that should be brought to attention. but since i’m the person that i am i just let it go, i let everything go. i don’t know why i do that cause it’s not good. i just, i just wish i could see into the future and see if we’re going to work. i hope this all isn’t for nothing. i used to be SOO strong. what happened to me i’ve became a whole new person. if i was in the same position that i was two years ago i wouldn’t have done any of this. but too late, this isn’t even a mistake it was my choice. maybe i rushed, who knows. but still i used to think the only thing that could hurt me was me falling and scraping my knee, boy was i so wrong. this feeling, you know that feeling when you really care for someone and every little bad thing they do just hurts soo much, yeah that feeling. it hurts 10x worse.. i don’t i can’t i UGH, i don’t even know. i am SO confused. i feel like i’m stuck. i just need to think.